


Slices of a Werewolf’s Love Life

by Elfflame



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: pervy_werewolf, F/M, First Time, LMOM, M/M, Marauders, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-01
Updated: 2009-05-15
Packaged: 2017-10-19 10:58:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 10,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/200092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elfflame/pseuds/Elfflame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moments (and Loves) of Remus Lupin's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Musing on Chances

**Author's Note:**

> Despite the fact that I’ve been watching since LMOM began, this was the only year I’ve participated. Unfortunately, I didn't manage to keep up. The story overall is dedicated to one of my favorite Severus-peoples, Snapesgirl, for her birthday, which was yesterday, and the fact that she seems to have finally properly ignited my Snupin muse. :) And yes, I do have some actual smut planned. Promise. Thank you to Wolfish_cat for looking this over. The pieces I'm writing will be at least somewhat interlinked, even if they don't always seem like it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James really wouldn't be pleased.

If James knew Remus was thinking this way about Lily, it would cause a great deal of trouble. He knows that James would likely never speak to him again. Or worse. But Remus also thinks his friend has no chance with Lily. She hates him too much, after all. At least James has other options. Girls are always swooning over him because he is a Quidditch star. He can take his pick.

The same isn’t true for Remus, though. After all, who is going to want a shy young man who’s already far too good at keeping secrets? He’s not flashy the way James and Sirius are. Lily might be his only chance.

Then there’s the fact that no other girls seem to have Lily’s fire, or the friendly smile she always gives Remus when they talk. He’s almost as comfortable with her as he is with James or Sirius, or even Peter.

He can’t think of another girl he’d even consider getting this close to. Girls seem to make even less sense to him than they do to other guys his age. They are all just too silly, and don’t draw his interest at all. Older boys’ talk of breasts and kisses and other things don’t intrigue him the way they do his friends. Most of the time, he keeps quiet while the others talk about the things they can’t wait to try when they finally have a girlfriend.

Then again, he’s always had trouble getting close to people. If James and Sirius hadn’t been so outgoing in first year, he doubted he’d even have become friends with them. But James and Sirius had never let something as simple as someone else’s reticence stop them. Even when it came to ferreting out secrets they were better off not knowing.

Still, after several months of sharing Prefect duties with Lily, they’ve grown close, and sometimes after doing rounds, they spend a few minutes talking before going back up to the common room together. And one evening, as they talk, Lily takes his hand. It takes Remus a few moments to process that, but he doesn’t pull away, either. He doesn’t want to. Soon one thing leads to another, and suddenly Lily’s very close, and Remus can feel his heartbeat speeding up as she tilts her face up to meet his.

She is so soft as she presses against him, and there is a fleeting thought in Remus’s mind that it feels _wrong_. Not Lily, of course. Her lips are gentle and sweet against his, tasting of strawberries, her perfume filling the air around them. But he can’t help feeling that there should be more to a kiss than this. That it should feel more…interesting. That a body pressing against his should be somehow…firmer. That his breathing, which has slowed, should still be making him feel dizzy to the point where he has to hold onto Lily tighter to stay upright.

He’s quick to tamp down the image of black hair and sparkling grey eyes that come to mind when he tries to figure out what would feel _right_ later that night when he’s laying in his bed, hangings closed.

He has to be normal in something, doesn’t he?


	2. Musing on Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He can't help but want him.

Wanting Sirius Black was a bad idea. But Remus couldn’t stop himself. There was just something about Sirius. Some days, it felt as though he had always been there. In ways that James and Peter had not. Or maybe it was just that Sirius simply featured so heavily in Remus’s dreams, and the others did not.

Remus had watched him with his conquests though. Both the male and female variety. Sirius didn’t seem to discriminate, but he also didn’t seem to think it something beyond a bit of fun. And Remus couldn’t stand the thought of being treated like he was nothing special after. It hurt just thinking about it. So instead, he kept his thoughts to himself, saving his pent-up energies from watching Sirius all day for wanking late at night when he was sure the others were asleep.

He thought most about what it would be like to kiss Sirius. After all, he knew what that felt like—sort of. And he’d seen Sirius kiss a few others—accidentally, of course. Granted, Lily and Sirius were nothing alike. But he could almost imagine it, so it was more real than most of his other fantasies. More tantalizing. He could almost imagine how Sirius’s lips would feel on his, the wet slide as their tongues slid against each other, and most importantly of all, Sirius’s voice, husky in his ear, telling him how no one else had ever meant this much.

He often had to bite his lip as he stroked himself to keep from making any sounds the others might hear. Sometimes, he even allowed himself to imagine Sirius’s fingers joining his own on his cock, and how it would feel to have someone else—and even better, Sirius—touching him there; stroking him. How Sirius would know just how to twist his wrist to make him come. It would be perfect and beautiful. Right up to the next day, when Sirius would act as though nothing had happened.

At least he could have this, even if nothing else. The image of Sirius above him, imagining the heat of his body pressing against his side as their fingers twined around his own cock. He could imagine Sirius’s wicked whispers in his ear. Because he knew they would be. And usually, that thought was all it took for him to come, biting back a sharp cry.

Sometimes he didn’t quite manage to stifle the cry, but the others didn’t tease him about it too much. After all, it was no more than they did themselves late at night. And usually in the morning, all was forgotten but for a bit of joking.

Remus tried to convince himself that it didn’t make what he was doing more tempting, when he thought of the fact that Sirius was likely listening to him wank just beyond those curtains. That if he pulled them apart, Sirius might even be able to watch. Or perhaps, just perhaps…want to join in?

But that was a road he couldn’t let himself go down. It just wasn’t safe. And that was one thing that Remus could never get past.


	3. Choosing a First part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus asks Kingsley for a favour. Part 1 of 2.

After a good deal of thought, Remus knew there was only one choice he could make. As much as he cared for Sirius, there were just some things there he couldn’t get past. Like Sirius’s attitude. Everything was a game for Sirius. Worse, he seemed to think Remus belonged to him, and that Remus just couldn’t handle. Maybe he would end up with Sirius, maybe not. But that didn’t give Sirius any right to act as though he had the only right to Remus’s body.

So it was better to find someone else to have his first time with. He’d debated a few different guys. There was no way he was going to trust any Slytherin with his first time, so that whole house was out, and though he was fond of James, and knew there were times James and Sirius messed about, he didn’t want to cause any friction between them, not to mention the fact that he wasn’t sure James would be any better than Sirius when it came to possessiveness. That left the other Prefects he’d gotten close to. And the Head boy, Kingsley Shacklebolt.

Kingsley was an excellent choice, really. He was laid back, not at all clingy or judgmental, and Remus had seen him flirt occasionally with other guys, so he wouldn’t be horrified by the idea. He wasn’t bad to look at, either, with his easy smile.

Remus took his opportunity one evening after the Prefects’ Meeting. He asked Kingsley if they could talk once the meeting was done.

“Sure,” Kingsley agreed.

The two waited until the rest of the Prefects and the Head Girl had left, Remus growing more nervous all the while. Once they were alone, the room seemed to ring from the silence, and suddenly, Remus had no idea what to say to get started.

Kingsley smiled at him. “It can’t be that bad, can it?”

“N-no. I…needed a favour.”

“What kind of favour?” he asked.

“I…I wanted to know…if…you could…help me with something.”

“Of course, Remus. What is it?” Remus had a feeling Kingsley had some clue where this was headed. Anyone else likely would have been smirking already. Remus was grateful he wasn’t.

“Um…” Remus swallowed, licking his lips, but managing to meet his eyes. “Would you…havesexwith me?”

Kingsley blinked once, then tilted his head. “What about Black? I thought you two were…together?”

“Not…well…sort of. But…we’re not official. And he’s already had…experiences. I just want to start this right.”

Kingsley blinked at that, realizing, obviously, that this would be Remus’s first time. “But…why me? I mean…I’m sure he’d be careful. I’ve seen how he is around you.”

For a moment, Remus felt a flush of shame. Then he remembered seeing Sirius with another boy in the halls only last week on his rounds. He hadn’t bothered to stop them, and he certainly hadn’t stayed to watch. “I just want to have us on more equal footing. If I…know what I’m doing, then maybe…?”

“If you’re sure, then…yeah. I wouldn’t mind. I’m flattered, actually.” Kingsley shot him that grin again, and Remus smiled back.

“Thanks.”

“When did you want to do this?”

Now there was something Remus hadn’t considered. “Um…” He’d just assumed they would do it now, and get it out of the way, but even thinking about saying that sounded so…clinical. He wanted to do this _right_ , after all. “This weekend? In the Prefect’s Bath?”

“Sure.” Kingsley was silent for a moment. “Have you done anything yet?”

Remus felt his cheeks heat. “Um…a bit. Not much, though.” Because when it came to _that_ , he kept pushing Sirius away. “Blowjob once, though.”

Kingsley nodded. “Give, or receive?”

Given that he’d asked for Kingsley’s help with this, Remus didn’t think it was fair that the questions were making him so discomfited. “Um…receive?”

“And…do you like the idea of giving one?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…is it something you’ve thought about? Or does the idea worry you?”

“Um…it’s…okay. I…wouldn’t mind.”

Kingsley smiled. “It’s completely up to you, Remus. Just…something to think about. And…are you all right with being the one who is fucked, rather than doing the fucking?”

This time, Remus’s voice cracked when he responded. “Um…I…hadn’t really thought about it…”

“It’s all right. Just…think about it, okay? And if you’re not…well…there are other things I can show you, at least. But I won’t bottom.”

It took Remus a minute to understand what Kingsley meant, but when he did, he felt as though his cheeks were going to combust. “Er…right.”

“So…I’ll see you Saturday after supper?” Kingsley asked.

Remus nodded. “Yeah.”

They separated after that, and Remus spent the whole week thinking of what he was about to do. His distraction was enough to have even James noticing in the common room Friday night, even despite Lily’s presence in the room.

“What is up with you, Moony?”

“Wha?” Remus blinked up at him.

“I’ve asked you about this potion formula three times now. It’s like you haven’t even heard me.”

“Um…sorry, Prongs. Just…thinking about something.”

James grinned. “What’s her name?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Who says it’s a girl?”

“Don’t tell me Padfoot’s infected you,” James asked, bemused.

Remus felt his cheeks grow red. “I…I mean…It’s homework.”

“Uh huh…” James said with a grin. “So what’s _his_ name, then?”

“Oh, shut up, Prongs, and go get rejected by Lily again.” Remus stood and packed his back, then hurried upstairs, wanting to avoid further questions.


	4. Choosing a First - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kingsley gives Remus a hand. Part 2 of 2.

Saturday seemed to drag, and Remus decided to avoid supper in the Great Hall with the others, so he went to the kitchens instead. He grabbed a sandwich from the Elves, then went up to the Prefect’s Lounge to wait until supper was over.

After finishing his sandwich, he made his way to the bath. Kingsley hadn’t arrived yet, so he settled on one of the benches along the wall and waited.

He didn’t have to wait long. Kingsley arrived moments later. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Remus said softly.

Kingsley settled next to him. “You look a bit green. Are you sure about this?”

“I’m sure. Really.”

“All right.” Kingsley smiled, then stroked his cheek. “But if you want me to stop, all you have to do is say so, all right?”

Remus nodded, and for a moment there was silence between them, then Kingsley sighed and leaned in to kiss him. Kissing was becoming old hat for Remus, so this put him a bit more at ease. After all, at least in this, he knew what to do. He tilted his head and leaned into the kiss, focusing on the feeling of it rather than what they were about to do.

Apparently, Kingsley agreed that was a good idea, for he didn’t bother saying anything else, just slowly helped Remus out of his clothes, stopping when he could see Remus was getting nervous, and kissing him often.

Once they were both nude, he stood and stretched out a hand. “Come on. Let’s do this in the tub.” He smiled, and Remus couldn’t help but smile back. He could tell he’d made the right choice.

He took Kingsley’s hand, then they walked to the tub, Remus slipping into the water as Kingsley moved to adjust the taps, then biting his lip when the other boy approached.

“Did you think about what I asked?”

Remus nodded. “Yeah. Just…yeah. I want to…try it this way.” At least once. Then, if Sirius wanted the other, well…at least he’d have some experience, right? “With you…” He felt his cheeks warm, unable to say the words.

Kingsley smiled again, understanding well enough, it seemed. “All right, then. If you’re sure?”

Remus nodded again, then pulled Kingsley into a kiss, not wanting to think any more, just do. If he thought about it too much, he might chicken out. And he couldn’t. Not now.

Kingsley seemed to take the hint, and kissed him back, and soon Remus felt his fingers curling around his cock. “Let’s get you relaxed, then,” he whispered, nipping along Remus’s jawline.

Remus wasn’t entirely sure what he meant, but what he was doing felt too good to complain about, let alone ask Kingsley to stop. He let his head fall back, moaning softly as Kingsley stroked him faster, letting the pleasure flow through him. “Ah…yeah…”

It felt like took only moments before he came with a cry. He would have been embarrassed at how quickly it had happened, except that Kingsley didn’t seem annoyed or amused. If anything, he seemed pleased.

“You all right?” he asked, his voice softer than Remus remembered.

He nodded. “Yeah. You’re not going to stop, are you?”

Kingsley shot him another of those grins, making his knees even weaker than they already were. “Nope. Been looking forward to this all week.”

Remus’s breath caught, but before he could answer, Kingsley was kissing him again, and pushing him gently back against the edge of the tub.

The buoyancy of the water helped when Kingsley pulled his legs up around his waist, and Remus looked up at him, his worries returning before he could stop them. What if it hurt too much to bear? A stupid thought, and he’d manage to convince himself of the fact that nothing could hurt as much as becoming the werewolf every month. This would be nothing to that.

Kingsley seemed to realize his anxieties were bothering him again, and kissed him once more, his hands cupping Remus’s arse and squeezing gently until Remus relaxed again. This time, though, he didn’t stop, nibbling down his neck as the fingers of one hand stroked over his entrance, and soon enough, pressed in.

It stung, but not horribly, and after a moment there was a sudden shock of pure pleasure that felt almost as though he were going to come again. He heard Kingsley chuckle at the gasp, then tried to glower at him, but found himself on the receiving end of a kiss that seemed determined to take his breath away. Remus moaned into the kiss, grinding down onto the finger, wanting more. Needing it, in fact.

Finally, he pulled away and glowered up at Kingsley. “Do it already.”

“You’re not ready yet, Remus.”

“I don’t care. I can take it.” He wanted to get past the point of no return, already. Before he had more second thoughts.

Kingsley sighed, shaking his head, then pressed in a second finger, making Remus cry out at the feeling, but he could feel the difference, now. Kingsley wasn’t bothering to take his time. It burned more, but at the same time, Remus was surprised at how good it felt, still. “Take me,” he said, his voice breathless.

“Fuck,” Kingsley whispered, and hearing the usually placid Head Boy swear was even more of a turn-on than anything else.

Before he could repeat himself, Kingsley’s fingers were gone, and Remus felt Kingsley’s cock press against his entrance. “Yes…ah…”

And then, with a push, Kingsley was inside him. The shock was almost as much as the pain, and Remus gasped, wide-eyed, but Kingsley kissed him, stilling inside him. The pain was enough to make him realize just how much this would change everything, but then he looked up into Kingsley’s face, and at the worry there, and he knew he’d made the right decision. “I’m…okay,” he managed, then kissed Kingsley again. “Don’t stop,” he whispered.

Kingsley hesitated only for a moment, then pulled back. It felt worse than the thrust in had, until Kingsley was pushing into him again, and brushed that spot with his cock. “Ah! Fuck! Kingsley! Yes…!”

The thrusts were slow at first, but soon there was only pleasure, and Remus encouraged Kingsley to speed up, trying to move himself, then relaxing his body so that Kingsley could move him as needed. And when Kingsley’s fingers curled around his cock, that was when Remus knew it wouldn’t be much longer—for either of them.

They moved together, exchanging kisses until Remus felt his second climax crash over him, and cried out into Kingsley’s mouth as he came. With only a few more thrusts, Kingsley came, deep inside him, and Remus shuddered at the feeling. “God.”

He hadn’t realized how silent they’d been in the intervening time until he spoke, then flushed as he looked up at Kingsley.

Kingsley smiled down at him, then pulled carefully free, setting Remus gently on his feet in the water once more. He didn’t move away, though. “You okay? I meant to be a bit softer than that…”

Remus nodded. “Yeah. Just fine.”

“Good,” Kingsley said, grinning now. “Any time you want a repeat, let me know, okay?”

There was no thought in Remus’s head of Sirius as he ginned back. “You know, I just might take you up on that someday.”


	5. One Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has an obsession--Severus Snape.

Remus couldn’t remember when his obsession with Severus Snape had started. He could remember wondering why Sirius and James went out of their way to bother the Slytherin, but he’d had no true interest in teasing him or anything else at first. When that had changed, he wasn’t sure.

Maybe it had been the day in third year when they’d ended up in Runes together, the only one of either of their houses in the class that was otherwise crowded with Ravenclaws.

It might have been the day a few months later when he’d come back early from Hogsmeade without the others to take a nap before the full moon that night. He’d seen Severus talking with Lily sitting under a tree near the lake. It was the first time he had seen the other boy smile.

Perhaps it had been the day that Slughorn had separated the Marauders for causing a ruckus in class, and Remus had ended up paired with Snape, who had snapped at him to “just chop these and don’t try to think.” It had been the best potion he’d ever made in class. Of course, that had been because Snape had refused to let him do more than prepare ingredients.

Or maybe it had been after the OWLs, when James had cast the charm on Snape to turn him upside-down in the air. Everyone else had laughed. He hadn’t, though. He’d felt sick to his stomach that James and Sirius were so cruel to him. He didn’t deserve it. That had certainly stuck in his mind after.

When they’d returned to school that autumn, Remus had done his best to reach out to the other boy when his friends weren’t around. But he knew it had only been the last few weeks that he’d finally realized _how_ he felt about the other boy. The only question was, would Severus ever be interested?

The only people Severus seemed truly interested in were Lily, who seemed either oblivious to the attention, or uninterested, and Lucius Malfoy who was quite distinctly married. What Remus couldn’t tell was which of the two, if either, might be less platonic in nature. It didn’t seem something he could just ask, either. So he decided to take the chance and hope for the best. Likely it would blow up in his face, but he had to know.

He waited for a day when his friends were all busy, then went down to the library to search out Severus. Because these days, there were rarely more than three places to find him, and one was off-limits to Remus. He wished they had the charm to track the residents of the castle working, but they still hadn’t managed that yet. All Remus could do was hope that Severus was in the library or in the Potions lab, because if he were in the Slytherin common room, he might as well be on the moon.

Luck was with him, for the moment he entered the library, Remus saw Severus’s dark head bowed over an already-long parchment, on which he was scribbling some sort of notes from a book.

He approached the boy slowly. Severus still didn’t particularly like him, but they’d managed a truce, at least, the last time they’d talked, so that was something. “Severus?”

Black eyes glowered up at him from underneath stringy strands of black hair. “What, Lupin?” Severus growled at him.

“Could we…talk?” he asked softly, glancing over his shoulder at Madam Pince, then back at Severus.

“I’m not letting you lead me into a trap your friends have laid, Lupin,” Severus sneered back.

“I won’t. You can choose wherever you like. Just…somewhere we can talk. In private. You can even lead the way.”

Severus glowered up at him for a long moment, then nodded and packed his books away, slinging the bag onto his shoulder and leading the way out of the library, not looking back to see if Remus was following. He led the way to a small room with couches and a window looking out over the lake, and no door, just an archway leading from the room to the hall. “There.” Severus dropped the bag, then turned to look at Remus. “Now…what did you want to talk about? I have a paper to finish.”

Suddenly, Remus wasn’t so sure any more. And the glare Severus was shooting him wasn’t helping. “I… You…have you ever thought about…what sort of person you’d want to date?” he asked, the words sounding ridiculous even to his own ears.

“What?” Severus looked as though he weren’t sure whether to laugh at or hex Remus. “What sort of drivel is this, Lupin? You can’t talk about this sort of thing with your friends?”

“No.” He saw the incredulous look on Severus’s face, but cut him off before he could berate him further. “I mean…I can’t talk to them about…who I like.”

“Why? You have a thing for Evans? That won’t go over well.” Severus smirked at him.

“No. Not Lily.” But just speaking was helping. Remus moved closer, and grew bolder when Severus’s eyes widened at the move.

“Lupin…”

“Severus…do you prefer…girls?”

“I don’t prefer _anyone_ ,” Severus growled, taking a step back. “Now go back and tell your friends your little prank backfired, and leave me alone!”

Remus caught his arm. “My friends don’t know I’m here. And I won’t tell them if you don’t.”

Severus’s adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “Lupin…”

“Do you like me, Severus? Even just…a little?” Because he could work with that.

Severus swallowed again, licking his lips. “Why?”

Remus moved closer. Close enough that he could feel Severus’s panicked breaths on his lips. “Because I want to kiss you,” he whispered.

Severus’s eyes widened further. “But…Black. Potter…”

“I told you, Severus. I won’t tell them if you don’t.”

A moment stretched out between them, silent but for the sound of their breathing. “Why me?” Severus finally asked in a whisper.

“Because you fascinate me,” Remus whispered back.

He expected Severus to say no. To ask for time to think about this. To tell him he was involved with someone else. To say how much he still despised him. But he’d never expected Severus to lean in and press their lips together.

Remus couldn’t restrain a soft moan, and brought his free hand up to curl around the back of Severus’s neck, tilting his head and parting his lips slightly, inviting the other boy to take. Despite his obvious awkwardness and apparent inexperience, Severus was quick to seize on the invitation, his tongue flitting out and licking gently over Remus’s lips.

It was so hard for Remus to restrain himself. He wanted Severus to feel comfortable, so he didn’t want to push. Instead, he opened his lips wider to encourage him to take more.

This time, it was Severus who moaned, his tongue slipping into Remus’s mouth. Remus raised his tongue to meet Severus’s, deepening the kiss carefully, and delighting in the second moan that pulled from Severus, and the fact that Severus’s hands were now clutching at his robe as though he never wanted to let go.

Maybe this hadn’t been as bad an idea as he’d been worried it would be?

Neither boy saw the boy in the shadows watching them as they kissed that night. A boy who was quick to follow Severus back towards the main hall after. And to confront him over chasing Remus. To taunt him hat Sirius would always know him better, proceeding to prove it by telling Severus just how to find Remus that weekend. After all, surely if Severus was so in love with Remus, he’d want to join him for the full moon?


	6. Taking Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Revenge turns on the one taking it.

Each time they were together, Remus had a harder time remembering why he had started this. With each of Regulus’s moans, he felt more drawn to Sirius’s brother, and less inclined to remember why he’d chosen to get back at Sirius like this.

Each time, Regulus became less a replacement for his brother, or for Severus—who refused to even look at him now that he knew what Remus was—and more a draw all his own.

For a Slytherin and a Black, Sirius’s brother was surprisingly innocent. Perhaps it was that he’d been the favoured, pampered and protected son for so long. The first time Remus had seduced him, he’d felt a flash of guilt at how easy it had been. But the boy had responded so openly and eagerly…it was almost like he was hungry for touch, or for any attention at all.

Remus had given him all that and more. Until now, he’d only bottomed. Sirius wasn’t the sort to let go his control easily, so Remus had acquiesced. But with Regulus, it was easy to take control. The other boy seemed to crave being dominated.

The first time, he’d just snogged Regulus, trying to ignore the guilt and to remember how angry he was with Sirius. The second time, Regulus had sought him out, and they’d done a great deal more. The sight of Regulus Black, scion of the Black family on his knees sucking his cock was enough to drive thoughts of both Sirius and Severus right out of Remus’s mind.

By the third time he’d fucked Regulus, he knew he was getting too attached. Though he wanted Sirius to suffer, he’d not meant to do this more than once or twice, just to throw in Sirius’s face. But now…now he found he couldn’t. And he found he couldn’t stop, either.

There was nothing quite like being buried deep inside Regulus, kissing him deeply as he fucked him slowly, hearing the way he tried to bite back the moans and groans that his thrusts provoked.

Each time, Remus told himself he wouldn’t do it again. But then he would see Regulus waiting by the stairs up to Gryffindor Tower—not wanting to be too obvious, but still wanting to be where Remus would see him when he passed by with his friends. And no matter what he tried, he always ended up staying behind—to keep Sirius from fighting with his brother, or because this time Regulus had come up with some sort of issue he supposedly needed to handle. Sometimes, Remus was even alone, with no one to stop him from going off with Regulus, or to remind him even with their presence, what a bad idea this was.

He hated himself for it. He hated Sirius for pushing him into such a desperate place in the first place, that he’d even managed to come up with the idea. He hated James for not walking back to the tower with Sirius that night and keeping him from seeing him kissing Severus. Maybe then things would be different. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so guilty. Maybe then, Regulus Black wouldn’t confuse him the way he did, and he could just let him go.


	7. All Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius apologizes

In the end, it all came down to guilt. Sirius’s and Remus’s, and to James locking them into a room alone together until Sirius apologized properly, and Remus accepted his apology.

Remus’s only problem was that his own guilt about what he was doing with Regulus had now overshadowed his anger at Sirius. It was hard to even meet his eyes any more.

“Moony…”

“What?”

“Look at me.”

Remus turned, but his eyes lit on Sirius’s ear, not able to meet his gaze. “There. I’m looking at you.”

“Are you going to hate me forever?”

No, Remus thought, but I might hate myself that long. “I don’t hate you, Sirius,” he said instead, his voice soft.

“Yeah? So you’ll forgive me, then, and stop treating me like some…Slytherin, then?”

This time, Remus did meet his gaze, his anger swelling along with his shame. “Sirius…”

Sirius sagged visibly. “It was a joke, Moony. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Yeah, well…sometimes I think you don’t think.” Remus could feel the still-healing tear in his heart where hope had blossomed the night he’d kissed Severus. “Just because you don’t like someone…”

Sirius put up his hands. “I know. We’ve been over this how many times in the last few months?”

“Well, obviously it hasn’t gotten through. Will it ever?”

After a long pause where Sirius seemed to be looking at Remus in a way he couldn’t remember him doing before, Sirius frowned and looked down. “I was an idiot. Angry. And I lashed out. I’m only grateful you didn’t end up hurt by it.”

“I did, Sirius,” Remus said softly.

Sirius scowled and turned away. “Yeah, well…”

“I never belonged to you, Sirius.” Even if there had been a time when he’d wished he had. He’d always known they’d kill each other if they tried to make it work. Or worse, Sirius would take what little he had left. He did love Sirius, but the thought of letting him have that much control over his life…

“You always wanted me, Moony.” And now Sirius was smirking. The same over-confident boy Remus had met on the Hogwarts Express on the first day of school. “Should I prove it?” He advanced on Remus.

“Sirius…” Remus backed up. This wasn’t what he’d come here to do.

Sirius’s eyes were bright. “Let me show you, Moony. We could be great together. We…fit.”

He didn’t give Remus a chance to respond. And as soon as Sirius kissed him, Remus knew he wouldn’t be able to stop this. Part of him ached with the guilt of what he’d done, and part with the anger over what Sirius had done to him, but the rest of him yearned for this lost bliss, and he found himself pressing into the kiss.

Encouraged by Remus’s response, Sirius didn’t stop there. He pressed Remus against the wall. “What if I promised you I wouldn’t even look at anyone else again?” he whispered, stroking his hand along Remus’s side.

Just a few short months ago, Remus would have been over the moon at the idea. But now? “Why?”

“Because I love you, Remus.” Sirius’s expression was as sober as Remus had ever seen it, and the words took his breath away. He felt tears spring to his eyes, and buried his face in Sirius’s neck.

“God…Sirius…”

“You don’t have to tell me you love me back. Just…don’t push me away.” Sirius raised his chin, kissing him again, his hand sliding under Remus’s jumper.

Remus moaned, kissing back, then tugged at Sirius’s shirt. “I won’t. Want… Show me?”

The words pulled a groan from Sirius, then he stepped back and began to strip. “Want to see you, Moony.”

Remus nodded, following his lead, his hands shaking a bit as he undressed, forcing Regulus out of his mind. He’d cross that bridge when he came to it. Whatever happened, though, he could never tell Sirius.

He stepped out of his clothes, then met Sirius’s eyes. “How do you want me?” he asked.

“Turn around. Want to show you something.”

“I’ve seen how you give blowjobs, Sirius,” Remus said with a grin, but turned to face the wall all the same.

“Not a blowjob.” He heard Sirius settle behind him, and could tell that he’d dropped to his knees.

“Sirius?”

“Shhh… Spread your feet. And brace yourself against the wall.”

Remus did, but it didn’t stop him from trying again to find out what he was up to. “Sirius, what…? Ah!” Before he could finish the question, he felt a nip to one arsecheek. “What the fuck…?”

“If you don’t shut up, I’m going to invite James in so that he can see just how well we’re getting on, Moony. Now shush.” And before Remus could argue, he felt his arsecheeks being pulled gently apart, and Sirius’s breath ghosted over his entrance. What the hell was Sirius going to do? Finger him until he came, or something?

The question was soon answered when he felt a slick, wet something brush across him. Was that…Sirius’s tongue? “Oh…” That was…so wrong… “S-Siri…” He felt a smack on his arse.

“Was that a request for Prongs to watch, Moony?”

Remus bit his lip, then shook his head.

“Good. Cause I’m not inclined to share.” Sirius licked him again, and Remus couldn’t help but push back for more. It felt incredible.

Sirius chuckled, and Remus felt him pull him further apart, then the tip of his tongue brushed against him, pressing gently into him, and Remus had to swallow hard to keep from whimpering. He couldn’t help the fact that his hips pressed back for more, all on their own. “Oh…ohgodyes,” he whispered under his breath.

With another chuckle, Sirius pressed his tongue deeper, then pulled back a bit, letting his tongue press along the rim of the muscle as he did, which made Remus groan. He pushed his tongue back in, even deeper, if it were possible, and Remus couldn’t stop the sounds the feelings were pulling from him any longer.

“Fuck…Sirius…yes…don’t stop…”

That pulled a groan from Sirius, and he licked at Remus faster, the sounds he was making making Remus squirm. “Aaah…Ohlord…”

Remus was so close, but then Sirius pulled away, standing and pressing against Remus’s back. “Need you, Remus…”

“Godyes…” Remus pressed back against him. “Please…”

Sirius didn’t waste time. He fingers inside Remus and stretched him, then whispered a charm to slick them both before pressing into him. “Fuck…Remus…yeah.”

It had been a long time since they’d been together. Too long, even. And between what Sirius had done to him and the feelings running through them, it was no time at all before Remus felt his climax washing over him, shuddering even as he pressed back into Sirius’s next thrust.

With another few thrusts, Sirius came inside him with a groan, then sagged against his back. “Oh, fuck…Remus…missed you. Love you. Please…?’

Remus nodded. “Yes.” He’d deal with Regulus tomorrow. An owl, maybe. Better not to see him. He couldn’t screw this up again.


	8. Last Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has a surprise for Remus.

It was meant to be a celebration of their last night in Hogwarts, which was why Remus had acquiesced to being blindfolded. But he’d known from the moment he was touched that whoever was touching him, it wasn’t Sirius. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t stopped this then. Except that the hands were so soft and gentle. So loving. It took Remus’s breath away.

Sirius kept talking in his ear, telling him how gorgeous he looked, his hand familiarly curled around his cock as whoever it was stretched him, the fingers trembling. Whoever this was, they’d not done this before. But Remus wasn’t going to stop them. It felt surprisingly good.

“Sirius,” he moaned as the fingers brushed over his prostate, then turned his face to kiss him.

“Shhh, Moony. Nearly there. Just a little more.”

Remus moaned again, pushing back on the fingers. “Ohgod…please…”

He felt whoever it was behind him shift, and heard the intake of his breath, a whispered word, the voice not quite loud enough to be easily identifiable. Then the fingers were gone, and he felt the other boy’s body against his back, and whimpered. “S-Sirius?”

Sirius curled his arms around him. “Trust me, Moony?”

Remus whimpered again, pressing his face to Sirius’s shoulder, then nodded, pushing back against the other boy behind him.

“Good boy,” Sirius whispered. Remus felt him nod, and then the press of a cock against his entrance.

“Ohfu…aaaah…” He clenched hard around the cock pressing into him, letting his head fall back against the shoulder behind him.

The clench pulled a groan from the boy behind him, and this time, there was no way Remus could mistake that sound. He’d heard it too many times from behind the curtains on James’s bed. He bit his tongue. Questions would come later. It wasn’t like it was a huge shock. Everything Padfoot did, Prongs had to as well, and vice-versa. He swallowed down the irritation, and focused on feeling for now. After all, it wasn’t every day one got to fuck a straight boy you’d been daydreaming about, was it? Not that he’d wanted it this way, but even so…

Still, it was unlikely he’d get another chance like this, so he bit his tongue, pressing back into each thrust and moaning softly, letting his head rest on James’s shoulder as Sirius ravaged his neck. “God…yes…fuck me…”

James groaned again, and his thrusts, which had started a bit erratically, suddenly gained a great deal more force. “Ohgod…ah!” Remus writhed between them, already on the edge. It wasn’t going to take much to come at this rate. “Ohgodyes…don’t stop. Either of you.”

This time, there were dual moans. One from Sirius, and one from James. Sirius pulled Remus into a kiss, his hand stroking quickly over his cock now. “Come for us, Moony. Show him how gorgeous you are.”

It wasn’t that that pushed Remus over the edge. It was James’s lips brushing his ear and echoing Sirius’s words that did it. He came hard, screaming. But it wasn’t Padfoot’s name he cried out. It was Prongs.


	9. Doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus tries to ease James's pre-wedding jitters.

James was already in his flat when Remus got home from work. And it looked as though he’d been drinking what was left of the ale Sirius had left behind the night before. There was only one can left in the pack of twelve Sirius had left behind. “James?”

James looked up at Remus, looking as though his world had crashed around his ears, and for a terrified moment, Remus was scared he would say that Sirius was dead, or horribly maimed somehow. “What is it?”

“I…Lily…I just…I don’t know if I can do this, Moony.”

Remus settled next to James on the beat-up sofa that Sirius had donated when they’d found that the only furniture he had was a mattress and a desk. “Do what, James?” He had a better idea now, though, and tried to calm his racing heart.

“We’re so young. Hell…until two years ago, she hated me, Moony. What if…”

“Prongs…She doesn’t. She never hated you, really. Just your attitude. And that’s changed, right?”

James nodded. “Yeah. But…we’re so young. Maybe…it’s a mistake?”

Remus was silent for a moment. “Do you love her?” James nodded after a moment’s pause. “And I know she loves you. You have a good job, and she’s already got things planned… What would change if you were older?”

“I…don’t know. But…maybe we’re not right for each other?”

Remus laughed. “And who else would be right for you, Prongs? You’ve wanted her almost since the day you met.”

It was James’s turn to be silent. When he answered, the response wasn’t verbal. He leaned in and kissed Remus, slow and soft. Remus was startled, but he didn’t pull away. Nor did he lean into the kiss.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. The one time they’d been together had lingered in his mind. But he hadn’t been able to say yes or no when they’d had sex before. He couldn’t let James hurt Lily like this. Finally, after a moment, Remus pulled back. “James…”

James shook his head. “I can’t stop thinking about it, Remus. About you. How you felt.” His eyes got dark, and he bit his lip. “I just…maybe…I’m more like you. And Sirius.”

“James…” Remus tried again, but James interrupted him again.

“Please, Remus. Just once. The two of us. No one else.”

“Lily…”

”Doesn’t have to know.” James tried to kiss him again.

“Sirius…” It was a poor excuse, especially given that it had been Sirius who had instigated the last time they’d been together. Not to mention he spent as many nights with others as he did with Remus.

“Just once,” James whispered, closing the last of the distance between then and pressing his lips to Remus’s. All Remus’s objections faded with the feeling, and he pressed against James.

“One night,” Remus whispered in agreement, then pushed up James’s shirt.

The grin James shot him made it worth it. Lily never had to know, right? Remus nipped down his chest, pushing aside James’s clothes, his fingers wrapping around James’s cock once it was free. James groaned, his hips shifting up at the touch. “Ohgod….yeah. Moony…”

Remus smirked up at him, then slid down onto his knees, pulling James’s jeans off. “That’s nothing, Prongs. You’ve not had a blowjob until you’ve had it from another bloke.”

“Wh…ah!” James tried to press up as Remus’s lips wrapped around him, but Remus pressed his hands to James’s hips, keeping him from pushing too far forward. The groan from James encouraged him to take more, and Remus pressed forward to take more of him in, swallowing around him and pulling another groan from him.

“Fucking god, Moony…don’t stop.”

Remus wasn’t about to, and swallowed again to let James know. “Ah! Yeah…”

Swallowing once more, Remus shifted to change the angle he was taking James in so that James’s cock slid down his throat. The wordless cry from James was well worth it, and Remus began to move faster, humming around him.

It only took a few more bobs of Remus’s head, and then James was coming with a sharp cry, pressing his hips up despite Remus’s hold on them.

Remus pulled back and licked his lips, grinning up at James. “All right there, Prongs?”

James glowered down at him. “If you think that’ll sate me, Moony, you’ve got another think coming. After all…it’s not even dusk yet.”

Remus grinned wider, then slid up to kiss him. “I was counting on that, Prongs,” he said softly. “Shall we move this to the bedroom?”

James grinned, then nodded, taking Remus’s offered hand, and together the two headed down the hall together.


	10. Mourning Together Separately

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus mourn Regulus's passing.

The owl came on an evening that Sirius had already been planning to stay the night at Remus’s flat. Otherwise, Remus might not have heard for days. As it was, he was there when the crumpled parchment fell from Sirius’s slack fingers to the floor. The words took too long to come, so he stooped to read the parchment himself, understanding immediately, and grateful that Sirius was already here.

Remus doubted Sirius would let anyone but he or James see him this way—broken and sobbing for the brother he claimed he’d lost two years before.

What neither of them could ever know was how the same news had affected Remus. That even as he held Sirius close, the larger man’s body shuddering with sobs, inside, his own heart was breaking.

Regulus, his sweet Regulus was gone. He would never get to explain to him why he’d had to stop seeing him. Nor he would never have to explain why he’d started in the first place. The broken heart would only ever be his. A blessing in the wake of bad tidings. But that didn’t make it easier to bear.

Even as he comforted Sirius, it was hard to keep his own tears from showing. Every kiss pressed to Sirius’s lips drew forth a memory of Regulus’s taste, of the sounds the younger man had made as he’d touched him, as he’d made love to him. He supposed he could admit that now. Now that it was too late to do anything about it. Now that he was gone.

Instead, he let Sirius use him in his need for solace. After all, Remus was using him for the same. Though somehow, despite their connection, he felt more alone than ever before as their bodies moved together. Even afterwards, as they clung to each other, pretending their tears were nothing more than sweat.


	11. LMOM # 11: Slices of a Werewolf’s Love Life: The Lowest Point - Lucius/Remus, R

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus does what he has to to survive. But some days are worse than others.

Remus hadn’t been able to come to terms with any of it. The fight, the loss, the betrayal, any of it. He kept expecting Sirius to walk through the door and tell him it had all been a colossal prank. Not that they’d been speaking to him even before. But to have gone from being on the outs with the three of them to having lost all of them in one night…

Even Lily and Harry were gone. Lily was dead like James and Peter, and Harry was off with Lily’s family. He knew he’d not be welcome there, from the one time he’d met Lily’s sister. Better to let the boy grow up not knowing him, then to have him deal with his aunt’s reaction if he did try.

There was nothing left for him. Hell, he’d even lost his job shortly before the last Full Moon. He had nothing but a run-down flat and a few changes of clothes, and even his flat wouldn’t be his if he didn’t find some way to pay his landlord soon.

Lost in a fog, wandering the lanes of Diagon Alley, he literally bumped into someone. When he looked up into a horribly familiar and sneering face, he couldn’t even find it in himself to feel anything—not anger, not pain, not even sadness—that Lucius Malfoy, who had likely known of Sirius’s perfidy was here and free, while Remus had lost absolutely everything simply for befriending the wrong person. He just felt empty.

If anyone had asked him later what it was that Malfoy had said to him, he’d have been unable to answer. Not even a single word made it through the fog in his brain. But he had understood when Malfoy sneeringly offered him a bag of coins and nodded toward a rundown inn used by the hour rather than the day. And there was no pride left in him to throw the coins back in his face. So he went, Lucius close at his heels.

After all, he’d already been used by one Death Eater. What did another matter? It had been shockingly easy to drop to his knees and take Malfoy down his throat, sucking him until the man pulled away and came over his face.

And really, even bending over after Malfoy had recovered felt like nothing at all. Because he wasn’t there. He was nothing. Just like James. And Lily. And Peter. It was easier that way.


	12. Reasoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus wants a favour.

Remus had never expected to see Severus again. At least, not up close. So when Severus sought him out, it was a bit astonishing how fast the emotions had rushed back. And how quickly they’d turned sour when he’d found out why Severus had come to see him.

“Potions ingredients?”

“ _Rare_ potions ingredients, Lupin. And why should I bother getting some from an unknown source when I know you can guarantee me where they come from.” Severus smirked, and Remus felt his stomach turn.

He was nothing more than a vaguely interesting specimen to Severus. The thought made his temper rise for the first time since his friends’ deaths.

“And what, exactly, do I get out of this little arrangement?” he asked. He wanted to say no flat-out, but something inside him still held out for something more from this.

“I would pay you. I might even be willing to pay an extra few Sickles than I would the apothecary, seeing as you can guarantee their freshness and purity.”

Remus wasn’t a violent man, but he had little in this life now, and the urge to hit Severus was stronger than anything he’d felt in years.

“And if I don’t want your money?” It wasn’t true, but at the same time, he wanted to find a way to draw blood the way Severus was doing.

“Then you are a fool. Are you telling me you enjoy living so far below the poverty line that you envy street people?”

“I do well enough for myself,” Remus said, trying to sound dismissive, but not quite managing it.

“Do you?” Severus sneered. “Fine. What is your price?”

Remus’s eyes gleamed as he approached the other man. Somehow, the memory of that kiss was just as strong as it had ever been. The last perfect moment of his life, before everything started to go to hell. “Money. And a kiss.” It was a stupid risk. A dare, almost. But damned if he didn’t want it.

There was a flash of something indefinable in Severus’s eyes. “You’re a fool. I could go find some other werewolf…”

Remus turned away. “Then do it. What do I care?” He did, but he wasn’t going to show that to Severus.

He could hear Severus snarl behind him. “And why would I kiss the man who let his friends play such a cruel prank on me?”

Furious, Remus whirled around and advanced on Severus. “You honestly think I'd put my own life in danger for a _prank_? I know you have the lowest opinion of me possible, but you surely don’t think that I am _that_ self-destructive, do you?”

He could smell the fear radiating off Severus, but there was no visible sign of it, aside from a slight widening of his eyes. “I think you are a fool who followed wherever Potter and Black led. I think if they had told you to drown yourself in the lake, you would have done just that. I think you were their little whipping dog along with Pettigrew, and if you do not get away from me…” He raised his wand menacingly, pointing it at Remus. “I will hex you.”

Remus was tempted to tell him just why Sirius had done what he had, but even the thought of how much he’d trusted Sirius, even after the Prank that had almost destroyed him as well as Severus, hurt too much. He turned away. “Find some other werewolf to get your supplies from, Snape. You’ll get none from me.”

Severus was silent for several moments. “Very well. But never say that I did not give you the chance, Lupin.” He was gone before Remus could respond, the crack of Apparition echoing through the room the way memories of Severus’s lips pressed to his own echoed through his mind.

Collapsing onto the couch, Remus let the tears come for the first time in years, mourning for his losses—his innocence, his love, his friends, his trust. There was just nothing left in him any more. He didn’t even remember falling asleep.


	13. Slices of a Werewolf’s Love Life: A New Start - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus finds a new love interest in Egypt. Part 1 of 2.

If there was one good thing about goblins, it was that they didn’t care who or what you were, so long as you did your job. That along with the fact that Egyptians seemed to have a bit of reverence for weres made living here in Egypt far easier for Remus than living in England. Not to mention the fact that there were no memories here to remind him of other days.

Here, he could forget about Sirius, James, Lily…and Severus. The problem was, there were new distractions that were almost as maddening.

Remus knew of the Weasleys, though he’d never spent any time with Arthur or Molly. He did remember Gideon and Fabian quite well. First from school, and then from the Order. He’d seen their Sister and her husband at their funeral, but he’d kept his distance.

So it made him feel like a wicked old man, drooling over their eldest son, despite his unconscious beauty. Barely out of Hogwarts, and yet so very tempting. Never mind that there were alt least ten years between them.

Still, he couldn’t resist the boy’s friendly manner. Bill was always there with a affable manner or a pat on the back, even an invitation out to drink after a successful find. Remus couldn’t count the number of times he’d had to help Bill back to his place after a few too many drinks. The way the boy’s lank body curled around his as he helped him home reminded him of some of his teenage daydreams of both Severus and Sirius.

But Remus had decided there was no way he would take advantage of Bill. No matter how beautiful the boy was, or how much his carefree attitude reminded him of Sirius or his lanky frame of Severus. After all, he didn’t even know if the boy was gay. And things were simply going too well. He couldn’t ruin them now.

Then the letter from Dumbledore arrived, and the offer to teach at Hogwarts. And not just that—to teach Harry. This would be his chance to regain some of the life that he’d lost twelve years before. And maybe finally prove to himself that Sirius no longer had a hold on him. The offer of Wolfsbane to keep him safe while at the school made the offer too irresistible to refuse, and he was quick to send back his affirmative response.

Of course, he had to tell Bill. Who insisted they needed to go out for a last drink together. If it had been Sirius or James, he’d have been on his guard. But with Bill, that thought just didn’t occur.

Which was why he found himself, drunk and staggering up to Bill’s flat with him with a few extra bottles to share between them shortly before dawn.

“Sorry about the mess, mate,” Bill said, shoving a stack of clothes off the sofa and dropping onto it. “Come sit.” He patted at the seat next to him.

Remus stumbled over to him, falling less than gracefully on the sofa, then handing Bill one of the bottles. “Here y’go, Bill.” He began to open the second, not watching as Bill took a sip. He took a slug of his own bottle, then let his head fall back against the back of the sofa. “Mmm…”

Obviously, Bill decided it was time to stop beating around the bush. He leaned in and kissed Remus, slow and deep. Suddenly, Remus felt completely sober. “Bill?”

“Last chance. I know you’re a bit…restrained, but who knows if we’ll ever see each other again. And I’ve seen how you look at me. I don’t do regrets.”

For a long moment, Remus stared at him. “You…”

“I’m interested in a night, at least. But if you’re not…” He pulled back, and Remus grabbed at him.

“No…I just…I’m so much older.”

“Ppft. Ten years. That’s nothing.”

“But…”

“Look, if you’re really not interested, Remus, that’s fine.”

“I just don’t know if it’s a good idea, Bill.”

“Why? Neither of us is involved with anyone. And this doesn’t have to mean anything more than a bit of fun between mates.”

Brain still a bit fogged with alcohol, it was hard for Remus to remember just what his reasons were not to sleep with Bill. Especially with Bill so insistent that it didn’t matter.

Deciding that maybe, for once, it was best _not_ to think, Remus leaned in and kissed Bill the way he’d been dreaming of since he’d first met him.


	14. A New Start Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Bill share a night together. Part 2 of 2.

Bill kissed eagerly back, his hands pushing up Remus’s shirt to get it off. “Fuck, Remus…” he groaned when Remus pulled back and began to nip down his neck.

“We’ll get there soon enough, Bill. But first, I want to taste you.” Remus helped Bill out of his clothes, then dropped to his knees in front of him, settling between those long legs dusted with auburn hair. Bill had a beautiful cock, long and slender and pale but for the rose of the head of his cock, peaking out from the foreskin.

Leaning in, Remus pulled the foreskin down and licked over the head, delighting in the groan it pulled from the other man. “God…knew you’d be great,” Bill said, panting. “The quiet ones are always best.”

Remus snickered. “Are they?” He licked over the head again, then slid his lips lower over the head, and down around the shaft of Bill’s cock, humming.

Bill’s groans came louder as Remus continued to suck him, letting his head fall back against the back of the couch. “Hell…going to kill me…”

Smirking, Remus swallowed, knowing how the contraction would feel around Bill’s cock, and grinned around him when the other man cried out in pleasure. “Holy Merlin! Yeah!” Bill’s fingers threaded into Remus’s hair, and for a moment, he pushed into Remus’s mouth. Remus pulled back, then grabbed Bill’s hips to stop the reaction, then pushed forward to take him deeper, swallowing around him until Bill slid down his throat.

The sound Bill made at that was beyond pleasure or pain. It was almost unearthly in sound, and Remus could feel Bill straining to push up into his mouth. As it was, he pulled back, dragging his tongue along the underside, then pushed in again, taking Bill all the way in, humming.

He knew it wouldn’t take too much of this. Bill was young, though, so it would just take a bit of the edge off. And that was a good thing. Because Remus intended on doing every little thing he’d ever dreamed of doing with Bill before he left in the morning. At least, as long as the two of them had enough energy to do it.

Remus began to bob his head, his fingers cupping around Bill’s balls, humming as he sucked at him, enjoying Bill’s groans as he bobbed his head.

It didn’t take much before Bill began to come, no warning given. Not that Remus needed it. He eagerly swallowed every drop, then pulled back and moved up to settle next to Bill, who was looking rather boneless.

“You’re brilliant,” Bill said once he’d opened his eyes again. “And I’m a fool for having waited too long.” He pulled Remus into a kiss, pulling him close.

“You could always visit me at Hogwarts. I’m sure your folks would be thrilled to have you home.”

Bill laughed. “Yes, I’m sure they would. And then they’d drive me batty trying to get me to marry and stay in England, raise a family. I’m not ready for that. Not yet.”

Remus shook his head, smiling. “I think I can understand why that might keep you away a bit longer,” he said. Not that he’d expected Bill to take him up on the offer, really. Rather than dwell on the fact that this was likely their one chance, Remus kissed him again. “Where’s your bed?” he whispered. If he was going to only going to have one night, he wanted to be comfortable doing it.

“Good idea. Your turn. And then, I want to fuck you.” Bill grinned.

Remus chuckled and let Bill drag him off to bed. The rest of the night was a blur of skin and groans and the taste of sweat. Even fogged by alcohol, the memory of that night was better than any of the dreams he’d had about Bill.

Bill’s hair might not have felt like the fire it looked like, but it did feel like silk under his hands while Bill sucked him, and after they collapsed under the covers, drained and sated, Remus curled his fingers in it once more, feeling calm and content for the first time in over a decade.

The next morning they managed another quick fuck, Bill’s thrusts making Remus arch off the bed with their intensity. Afterwards, there were no spoken promises, but both knew if there were an opportunity, they would both welcome a second chance.

Remus left for England shortly before ten, the memory of the night before warming him when he landed in England. He was feeling far more relaxed—if not entirely well-rested. Still, at least he would be able to sleep on the train.


	15. Back to the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Returning to Hogwarts brings back an old passion.

Remus really hadn’t meant to lose his temper. He’d promised himself that nothing Severus could say would make him react in any way that Severus could find threatening. Upsetting, perhaps, but he could hardly control Severus’s over-reactions to things, after all.

Between his exhaustion, Severus’s taunts about James and Sirius, and his own still-burning attraction to the damnable man, Remus found he couldn’t help but snipe back.

He was able, though to keep from pushing the other man against the wall and snogging him silly, though it was a close miss.

In the end, all he could do was leave, even though it would look to Severus as though Remus had conceded.

He’d find some way to show him he wasn’t cowed. Eventually. Right after he took care of the little problem that had cropped up while they were snarking at one another.


End file.
